As I understand it, President Boyd K. Packer is an expert on the Relief Society, having studied our beloved organization for many years. He has spoken on this organization more than any other general authority, ever.

President Packer gave two talks, both entitled The Relief Society, in Oct 1978 and again in Apr 1998. He opens both talks with, “It will be my purpose to give an unqualified endorsement to an organization to which I have never belonged.” And, “I do not endorse the Relief Society for the sake of the organization, but for what accrues individually to the benefit of those who belong.” He also gave a talk called, “The Circle of Sisters” in Oct. 1980. He explains in great detail the importance of our organization.

He tells a great story about Belle Spafford:

“In 1888 the Relief Society and the young women’s organizations of the Church became charter members of the National Council of Women and of the International Council. These two organizations were established primarily to promote women’s suffrage and to improve the lot of women and children everywhere. During those years our delegates had their good days and their bad, depending upon circumstances, the leadership, and their attitude toward the Mormons.

In April of 1945 Belle Smith Spafford became the president of the Relief Society.  Only a week or two after she had been sustained a letter came from the National Council of Women, announcing their annual meeting to be held in New York City.  Sister Spafford had attended those meetings before, and in view of her previous experience, she and her counselors carefully considered the invitation for several weeks. They decided to recommend to the President of the Church that the Relief Society terminate its membership in those councils. They prepared a statement of recommendation, listing all of the reasons for so doing. Trembling and uncertain Sister Spafford placed the paper on the desk of President George Albert Smith, saying, “The Relief Society Presidency wishes to recommend that the General Board terminate its membership in the National Council and in the International Council of Women, for the reasons listed on this paper.” President Smith carefully read the paper.  Had they not held membership for well over half a century? He inquired. Sister Spafford explained how costly it was to go to New York, the time it took and described the humiliation they occasionally experienced. She recommended that they withdraw because ‘we don’t get a thing from these councils’.

This wise, old prophet tipped back in his chair and looked at her with a disturbed expression. ‘You want to withdraw because you don’t get anything out of it?’ he questioned. ‘That is our feeling,’ she replied. ‘Tell me,’ he said, ‘what is it that you are putting into it?’ ‘Sister Spafford’, he continued, ‘you surprise me. Do you always think in terms of what you get? Don’t you think also in terms of what you have to give?’  He returned that paper to her and extended his hand. With considerable firmness, he said, ‘You continue your membership in these councils and make your influence felt.’  And so they did!  Sister Spafford took the gentle correction from that wise prophet, and the day came that she was president of that organization.”

The dress she wore to the National Council of Women Ball, is affectionately nicknamed the 55 cent dress because it cost only 55 cents to make: a drapery remnant, with marked down buttons and zipper. 

After telling this story, President Packer’s question to all the sisters is, “If you are absenting yourself from Relief Society because you don’t get anything out of it, tell me, dear sister, what is it that you are putting into it?”

According to Pres. Packer, men seldom talk about their needs in priesthood quorums. Instead, they “discuss the gospel and the priesthood and the family! If you follow that pattern, you will not be preoccupied with the so-called needs of women. As you give first priority to your family and serve your organization, every need shall be fulfilled, every neglect will be erased, every abuse will be corrected, now or in the eternities.” Sometimes, women get caught up in petty unfulfilled needs. Lessons can get off topic when we try to outdo one another with our trials and our wallowings. What we need to hear from each other is the testimony of our experiences, the gospel demonstrated in our lives, mistakes realized and better choices made.

Pres. Packer recounts an experience of a new Relief Society president who stood up at a conference and announced a course correction. Tradition had replaced basic direction from the general presidency of the Relief Society. A sister defiantly stood up and explained how they were an exception to the rule and would continue their tradition.

This poor “green” sister paused, then gently made this inspired statement, “Dear sister, we’d like not to take care of the exception first.  We will take care of the rule first, and then we will see to the exceptions.” Every ward might do well to look at their own “exceptions”.

“The Brethren know they belong to a quorum of the priesthood. Too many sisters, however, think that Relief Society is merely a class to attend. The same sense of belonging to the Relief Society rather than just attending a class must be fostered in the heart of every woman. Sisters, you must graduate from thinking that you only attend Relief Society to feeling that you belong to it!” Sisters who serve in the Primary and Young Women don’t need to feel they are missing their Relief Society because they still belong to it. Relief Society is so much more than the Sunday lesson.